Replacing “but” with “and”
My therapist asked me to practice this everyday: Replace “but” with “and”.
I often kept saying to my therapist: I made a lot of progress but I have a long way to go. I didn’t realize that subconsciously I was diminishing or devaluing the progress I made so far. They gently suggested me to try replacing the conjunction with “and”:
I made a lot of progress AND I have a long way to go.
Do you see the difference? It’s weird how one word dramatically changes the tone of the sentence, right?
It’s more positive, devoid of judgement. It doesn’t devalue your experience. It conveys that both can be true at the same time. It allows you to take pride in your journey while also acknowledging the path ahead.
It is such a powerful notion. when you talk to yourself AND others.
Imagine someone telling you: “I really liked your article but…”
The minute you hear a but, you sort of get the feeling that the person is going to disagree with you or devalue your opinion. As a result, you could either become defensive or completely closed off for feedback.
But is often used as an excuse to not take action. It is used as justification for why we can’t do what we want to do. Here’s a personal example:
I love to play badminton but I feel like I’m not very good at it.
Why did I use a but here? Should one really be “good” at badminton to love the sport? Doesn’t it also signal under confidence and a negative attitude? Now let’s consider the alternative: I love to play badminton and I’m not very good at it. Both can be true at the same time! It’s okay to like something you’re not very good at! It radiates positive energy!
One last example to help you capture the gravity of the idea: I woke up this morning thinking like this: I have a lot of work but I don’t know where to start!
After learning this simple concept, I realized I was viewing “not knowing where to start” as a negative thing. As if it’s something wrong. It’s not though! Not knowing where to start is a completely normal experience. I was also using that as a mental blocker to not get started! I think this mindset change can be really powerful for overcoming procrastination!
I have a lot of work AND I don’t know where to start — well, I’m gonna spend some time figuring out where to start!
Happy Sunday!
